Can't Sleep

So its later then I have been staying up during the work week and I can't sleep. I moved most of my stuff into the new apartment today and I am getting nervous. My room is great and beautiful but the apartment itself needs a good scrub down. I am concerned about living with these guys that I don't know/living on my own. Since my bed is coming tomorrow I am still staying with the family I have been staying with and I don't want to leave. It is so comfortable here and tomorrow is just another step in the big journey and one that I am hesitant to take. It is hard because I don't have much of a support system down here yet and I don't want to let go of this family that has been so generous and taken me in with open arms. I am just worried.

This past week was really intense. At every Welcome Home Party I cried. I think I might cry at all of them, but after working a full day and having to do it all again the next day, it gets to be draining. I just feel so much love for the families we help and the work that we are doing. I am glad that I am not in client services because I don't think I would be able to go home and have a life knowing that there were applications we had to deny and worrying about those people. On this end I get to see the success stories and help make them a reality and I think that is a better fit for me. I get too attached.

Along those lines, getting too attached is one thing that I love about myself. I think that it helps to restore my faith in humanity, and I hope it allows others to feel the same. Sunday I was stressed out having worked a long and tiring week, sick of the rain and not being social, and trying to get some last minute things for my place. My anxiety was high, and talking to my mom on the phone I just heard my own voice complaining. After walking around Magazine a bit in the rain, I decided on my way home to stop in and buy an umbrella to keep in my car. There was some road work being done and there was a man directing traffic, in the pouring rain, standing there in a drenched tee shirt with a small white towel over his head. I went into the store and bought two umbrellas, one for me and one for him. I walked over to him with the umbrella opened and asked him if he would like it. He just sort of looked at me, I think maybe trying to figure out if I wanted money or something in exchange. I just smiled and said "Have a nice day!" and walked away. One of the other construction men shouted out to me "Hey girl, that was real nice!". I was grinning from ear to ear the whole way home.

The point of sharing this is not to toot my own horn, but to encourage everyone to try and pay it forward. I was having a crappy day and saw that a $5.99 umbrella would not only cheer this man up but cheer me up as well. I care too much and rather then try to turn that off and change I am going to embrace it and hope that other people will benefit from it. Do something unexpectedly nice today, and maybe when you need it, someone will be there to do the same for you.

Lots of love, always